This is before time wore you down to history
by achildofthestars
Summary: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, but when Lana Lang falls from the sky, plans go awry.
1. ONE

Before we get started on this little journey, I'd like to give thanks to everyone who's been waiting on me to finish _We always fail destiny_. Rest assured, that monster is not dead. I've just had other things on my mind, and now I'm currently revising the story but am not yet ready to commit fully to it because of _this_ story. It's a story I've wanted to write for over a year, and since I'm wanting to jump back into writing, I figured I might as well do it with a clean story slate.

Beware. I will focus on Lana Lang. I will write Chloe Sullivan. I don't hate these characters(well, lie, sometimes Lana I do). So, if these two are dealbreakers, then goodbye. For the rest of you, let's see what's next, shall we?

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* * *

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 1/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

* * *

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ONE

_"It must have been so hard, being so different, having everyone judge you before they  
even know you, knowing that there's some people who might never accept you."_

-Chloe Sullivan, circa Pariah

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Clark Kent has a secret. It cradles him at night and hushes him in the daylight. He looks at Lois, sometimes in the morning as she's slamming her keyboard and sometimes during the evening when she chews her lip. He looks at her and his secret jumps out of his heart and heads straight to her. But he and his secret have always been afraid, especially when it comes to love.

Experience hasn't been kind to him. He thinks of Lana. He always means to learn from his mistakes, but some habits are hard to shake. Maybe he _is _destined to end up alone. Alone, like he has been since he crashed onto Earth.

He sees Lois. She's spinning in her chair – a slow news day. He watches her, their lunch in his hands waiting until he's soaked her up enough. She spies him and stops abruptly, her mouth shaping into a grin.

_Alone_.

He thinks of his parents, Chloe, Oliver, even J'onn. She does that to him. When he forgets his life, she keeps him tied to his humanity, his hope. In that moment he decides it's time she knows, tonight. Friday night.

.

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One week. Seven little days. All his dreams were supposed to have come true. They hadn't.

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He was going to cook her dinner and tell her he loved her and that he was the Blur. But as the night came to a close and his secret was still secret, he'd stalled. His mouth had opened to tell her and nothing rushed out.

Old habits, old fears.

She'd laughed at him, a hand on his chest, a kiss pressed to his lips.

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Saturday night in his kitchen, working on an article, she'd handed him a box. His eyebrow quirked when she'd smiled.

"What's this, Lois?"

Her shoulder had lifted, a smile caressed her features. So, he'd opened it. Out came a telescope, not like his old one, not with those heavy memories. He'd smiled, holding it in both hands. Yes, he remembered this act.

"I thought you said telescopes were for geeks and stalkers?"

She'd laughed with him, eyes aglow. She lit him up too.

"As has been proven in the past, a few times, I can misjudge people," her tongue showed.

He'd shaken his head. Only Lois.

"This is why I love you."

The words were out before he could stop them. If only his secret would learn. He'd watched her face and waited for her to flee, hoping she wouldn't. She hadn't. What happened next was slow and deliberate – she'd come to him, knees meeting his knees and eyes peering down at him.

His heart had pounded inside his steely chest. His secret seemed to be holding its breath. They'd said this before, not so direct, but if_ for always and forever _wasn't love, nothing could be.

"I love you, Lois," his throat was rough.

Her body had found his lap, her hands his face. She'd looked at him the longest time. The secret skittered under his skin and he'd hoped she hadn't seen it. He'd been ready before. Now times were different and he'd thought one more day of these wonderful things wouldn't hurt.

They'd kissed. Her love wordless.

.

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The next afternoon he'd packed a picnic. They'd sat under a tree, her shoes thrown past the blanket and her hair tucked up. His arm held her shoulders and she'd leaned into him, perfect, like the sunset. Fear surrounded him. Like Lana, she might run from him. She might not understand the deception. Later. Later he would tell her.

.

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On Monday their story had broken open. Clark Kent was more useful than The Blur.

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Tuesday had everything planned, this time at her apartment. Somewhere between the Wii and the telling, he'd left with an excuse. The Blur wouldn't let him go tonight.

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The following day was the **impact**. The ground shook. He'd taken her arm. She'd steadied herself. They'd taken off in different directions.

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When Thursday came they were both tired. Her of dead ends and he of his secret. She'd sighed, hands over her face.

"Can I just…call in a rain check? I'm so tired, Clark. I'm cranky and Randall has been working me to death with this impact story and I just want to go home and take the longest shower known to man."

He'd rolled his way to grab hold of her armrest and pulled her to his chair. They'd collided, metal with metal, smile with smile, hers a little breathless when he'd leaned into her.

"Get some rest, Lois. I'll see you tomorrow."

"TGIF. Alright, I'm out of here. Any last comments or requests from the peanut gallery?"

"Drive safe, and can I get the exclusive interview when Metropolis wakes up to a hot water shortage?"

Her hand had swatted his arm before her lips kissed him goodbye.

"Of course not, Kent."

"Goodnight, Lois. Love you."

She'd winked, a sly smile covering her mouth.

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They walk through the back door giggling and whispering like Martha Kent's still the hen over the coop. His mouth finds her throat and his foot closes the door as her arms fold around his neck. She tastes like love and hope; he inhales it. He lifts her to sit on the counter. She laughs. He catches it with his lips and knows tonight is the night. Tonight. Tonight.

He lets go of her lip in his mouth. She catches her breath and pulls on the loops of his jeans.

"What's gotten into Clark Kent tonight?" she teases.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know." Her eyes search his face. "You act like you're…free."

Her face is tilted up and the moonlight shadows half of it. He's the strongest man in the world, and he feels like she could take him down to the ground with one simple rejection. It doesn't stop him.

His heart is in this, her, for good. If the consequences are against him, then so be it, but she should know. She's deserved it more than anyone.

He captures her wrist, letting his fingers whisper against the frail bone and the warm blood. His secret hovers around his lips, waiting to climb into her.

"Lois?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever wondered, where I came from?"

"What do you mean? Like your biological parents?"

"Yeah, and the place I was born."

"Well, I do have a theory." Her voice drops to a whisper and he's watching her mouth. "I think you must have fallen from the sky."

His breath stops.

"Really?"

"No."

She laughs and grabs his face gently. He seems so focused. It excites her.

"I don't know, Clark. I guess I don't care where you're from. I don't care what brought you here. I'm just grateful you _are _here."

His eyes close and her thumb crosses his lips. The air shifts between them and she finds herself leaning into it. Ready for it.

He feels like his secret is becoming weightless, and it's what he's wanted since he found out about space ships in storm cellars.

"I think you'd be surprised to find out you're not far from the truth," he whispers.

The seriousness in his tone closes her mouth and she frowns into his face. This is a confession – she can read that expression clear as a Smallville summer day.

"Clark?"

A crash interrupts them. They hear it pound against the front porch and he covers her body as the ground evens out.

"Stay here," he orders, already moving away from her.

Outside he sees the destruction of the porch, half of it crushed and falling into pieces, burning a little like _history_.

"What the hell?" Lois barks.

Of course she hadn't listened to him. She peers over his shoulder, hand on his waist for support. That's when he feels himself falling.

"Clark?"

He can feel her hands on his body but he's doubled over and all he can concentrate on is the pain in every single cell of his living form. He can't catch his breath or move his limbs. It must be kryptonite.

She's screaming at him now.

"Clark!"

"M – Mo – Mo – . Agh!"

He sucks in a breath. His body, taut with oppressing tension, relaxes like a released spring. Instant relief. No longer quivering, he meets Lois's eyes and the question inside of them.

_"Clark?"_

It's not her voice saying his name. No, Lois's mouth is shut with worry. He turns his head to the disaster area, his heart growing heavier as he spies the woman's dark hair and pale face rising from the debris. In an instant he's standing with Lois at his back again.

"Lana?"

She falls to her knees in the dirt, hands stretching to the jagged floorboard of the porch. His body jerks forward, but his mind stops him from moving closer, already knowing something is not all well with her any longer.

"Help me, Clark," and her tears fall when she does.


	2. TWO

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 2/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

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* * *

TWO

_"Seeing Lana come back, it's like she never left. You can't just stop loving someone,  
you know, just like that, right?_

_I understand the need for closure, Clark. Just promise you're not going to slam my  
cousin in the door."_

-Clark Kent & Chloe Sullivan, circa Bulletproof

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Damn what will happen to him. He braces for the pain again; it doesn't come. He scoops up her body in his arms and fights off his confusion as she jerks in his grasp. She's too small in his hands, all of her less than what she was when she left him.

"Lana? Lana, what happened?"

Her speech is mumbled. He presses his ear to her mouth - old habits - and her head falls to the side as her words become mute. Pulling her closer he looks up.

**Lois**. He doesn't want her to know like this. It isn't supposed to happen like this.

"Lois, I want you to go inside and call Chloe."

She doesn't move. His eyes plead with hers but she's not moving inside. Lana jerks again and even with his strength he grimaces.

"Lois! Please!"

"What's going on, Clark?"

Her phone is to her ear, but he can't stall any longer. If he keeps waiting the kryptonite in Lana's suit will fell him again, he's sure. He gives Lois one last look, even his secret is ashamed, already tucked into a valve of his heart.

"Lois, I – I'm sorry."

Then he and his secret are gone. A black blur in the black night.

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Everything happens fast, even for him. Dr. Emil Hamilton is first telling him to put her in Watchtower's hospital room, a place he hadn't learned of until now, and then he's pulling Emil out of Met Gen. The doctor's placing wires on her skin and vainly trying to stick her with needles. She's screaming and then falling unconscious. Her skin wets with perspiration then dries. She calls out his name and grips his hand with hers.

Sometimes he has to be pushed out. Emil finally refuses to let him back inside. He is forced to stand behind the lead walls, but his answers are on the other space of this two-way mirror.

Chloe is running in with Oliver at her heels.

"What the hell happened, Clark?"

"I don't know." He shakes his head. "She crashed into my porch. I brought her here."

Chloe seems worried. "You…you actually touched her?"

Clark nods.

"Well Clark, unless your dreams have come true and you're now immune to Kryptonite, I'd say her suit's getting fried." Oliver frowns.

"And if that's true," Chloe joins Oliver's frown, "what's causing it? Or who?"

"You thinking, Lex?"

"Or another enemy she's made," Clark interjects.

Oliver and Chloe share a look, and this time it's Clark who's frowning.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," Oliver looks away.

Chloe doesn't.

"I never thought I'd hear you think Lana could make enemies."

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He sits by her bed, staring at her listless hand. He thinks about graveyards and lies, stolen kisses and comas, even broken beds and small necklaces. He thinks of _past_. It's always been easy.

Chloe walks in with a cup of coffee in her hand. She shuts the door behind her and leans against it. Sometimes, it still hurts when she thinks of _then_.

"The Blur's been all clear on the Metropolis front for a while now. You've been here most of the night, Clark. Get some rest."

"I don't need it."

Her head dips and she bites her lip, because things don't come so easy between them anymore. No, words have gotten tighter and lines a little thicker.

"She seized any more?"

"Four times," he murmurs. Now he looks up at her. "The suit's going to kill her, Chloe."

"Emil's been looking into the nano-byte technology. He'll find a way to help her."

"And what about the Kryptonian DNA in it? He doesn't even know where to start to remove the graft from her."

"The guy created an antidote to a Kryptonian virus in less than twenty-four hours, Clark. If anyone can save Lana, it's him."

"I hope so." He rubs his face.

She thinks there will be more. There should be so much more. When there isn't she clears her throat and makes her way to the foot of Lana's bed.

"Listen, I know you get thorny when I bring up your relationships – ."

"Then don't."

"But," she heads on. "That being said, when I said go get some rest, what I actually meant was go see Lois. I've gotten two dozen voicemails from her asking me where you are."

"Lois," he breathes, eyes shut.

"I'm guessing your confessional didn't go as plan?"

His shoulders tense against her tone, full of guilt, not anger.

"Not exactly."

"Clark, for the past week you've been over the stars about letting Lois in on your secret. What happened?"

"Lana crashed into my house. That's what happened. I was right in the middle of telling Lois and then…."

"So how much does she know?"

Chloe stares at him. He shifts.

"Tell me," she whispers, "that she doesn't know anything. That she's just worried because you never came back. That you didn't just blurt out you're the Blur and then disappear with Lana, of all people, in your arms."

His focus turns to Lana's face.

"I didn't get to tell her. I…supersed. It wasn't supposed to happen like this!"

"Clark, you don't have a choice anymore. This is Lois. You can't just ignore her."

"I want to tell her, Chloe. I just…the more I stay close to Lana the less she seizes."

"Alright. She seems fine now. I'll watch her."

He looks down at his hands.

"I…just need a little time, Chloe. To figure out, what exactly to say to Lois. I don't want to scare her."

"Clark," she sighs. "If you end up waiting too long, it won't be scaring her you'll have to worry about, it'll be betraying her."

"I'll tell her."

"Will you?"

They're silent. Chloe's phone vibrates in her purse, a sort of reproachful song.

"What was I supposed to do?" Clark looks to her. "Leave Lana helpless?"

"Of course not."

"I had no choice."

This time Chloe's focus shifts to Lana. She feels like years have settled in her bones, along with burdens she forgot long ago she carried. She loves Lana. She loves Lois. If there's a choice to be made, she knows who to choose. Does he?

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He feels his hands shaking. It might be a first. There's only two rings before the line clicks open and her breathing picks up.

"Clark?"

There's a tremor there. He thinks he may have lost her already. He tries to say her name, but it comes out more a breath than a word. Closing his eyes, he tries to find his resolve, his earlier delight in telling the truth. He can't.

"Lois, I…I don't know what to say."

"That makes two of us."

They fall mute, both of them slumped into a wall of different buildings.

"I wanted to tell you," he sighs. "I wanted it to be perfect."

She shakes her head and feels her lips turn. She's trying not to take it too personally, but it's impossible. It _is_.

"Wh – what did – when did – how am…."

She expels her words and nothing comes to replace them, not for a long beat.

"What are you, Clark?"

It takes every bit of strength he has not to flinch. He deserves this. It hurts just enough.

"Where are you, Lois?"

* * *

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A/N: Okay, before anyone rolls their eyes about Chloe, I want to make something clear. I am not pursuing some one sided romance on her part towards Clark. I believe she doesn't love him, but there was a time in her life where she _did_ love him, and it can't be ignored.


	3. THREE

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 3/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

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THREE

_"I've tried my whole life just to blend in. To try and be more normal than anyone  
else. Would you just say something? Call me…call me an alien, call me a  
monster. I don't care. Just say something._

_It's like I don't even know you."_

-Clark Kent & Pete Ross, circa Duplicity

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She's been looking out at the stars. Counting as they fade into dawn, wishing she could light herself up and follow them. Up, up, and away.

There's a whoosh behind her, pushing her like a lover. The hair at her neck swishes and she knows this well, but all the romanticism is gone this time and she misses it. She turns, thinking it might not be him. Hoping it's not and hoping it is. It's not easy. This _isn't_.

He looks at her and the papers Chloe would have tacked onto her Wall of Weird strewn across the floor of the barn. His mouth opens, closes. Her eyes are wide. Her throat is taut.

"You didn't return my calls." _Accusation_, she stings. "I had a lot of time on my hands. I'm a reporter, Clark. It's what I do."

He means to get closer to her, but his one step forward pushes her one step back toward the wall of the barn. His heart falls.

"Lois, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry," she murmurs. "You're sorry."

"I am. Lois, I've wanted to tell for a long time. But…it was never, the right time."

"Really?"

Her voice is soft, and it's not what he was expecting. It's as if she has shaved off all her edges, for him this time and not just The Blur.

"We've known each other for over five years, Clark."

Her voice catches and she stops herself. She turns and walks away from him to regain her composure. He's lost such intimate things from her. She braces herself on the open window, and tells herself it doesn't hurt this much. It doesn't mean what she feels it does. Even she can't delude herself, though. It _does _hurt like this, and it does mean what it does. She knows this now.

"And then when I finally do find out, you avoid me. Like you wish I'd never known."

"Lois…."

He can't stop himself. He was good at that once, before her and him together. He was so good at keeping his distance. But nothing is the same after her and him together, and he walks until he can touch the fabric of her shirt under his fingertips. He feels her shoulders rise with a deep breath.

Her face lifts up. It's a sunrise.

"What did I do?" she asks the sun.

"Lois?"

"What did I do so you couldn't trust me?"

He won't let her do this. It's not her fault. This is all on him and she is trying to carry it on her own.

"Lois, I _do _trust you."

Her body whirls to face him, and there's just a hint of wetness in her eyes.

"No, you don't. You have had every opportunity to tell me, Clark."

"It wasn't because I didn't trust you."

Her head shakes even as her smile tremulously forms.

"You don't have to lie to me. I'm a big girl. I'll be alright."

"No, Lois."

His voice is firm and he means to say this as it is.

"All my life, I've been afraid of what people would think of me if they knew I had these abilities. But out of all the people I've known, you were the one I wanted to tell the most."

His face has gotten so close to hers. His hands have cradled her cheeks.

"You trusted The Blur so completely, but I was still afraid. I didn't want to lose you, Lois. You're the last person I want to look at me and see a…a freak."

She searches his face, and for a moment she can forget Lana in his arms and how secrets were revealed.

"I don't think you're a freak," she whispers.

Relief doesn't light his eyes and she frowns as he sighs, almost as if there's more to tell. His smile is twitchy, barely forming, and his thumb strokes her cheek before both his hands fall to his sides.

"I'm an alien, Lois. I _am _a freak."

Her mouth falls open and this time it's him walking away, hands fisted. It rushes out, quickly.

"I was born on a planet called Krypton. My birthparents sent me away before it exploded. It was my spaceship that caused the first meteor shower in Smallville."

As much as he doesn't want to see the disgust on her face, he needs to see her. So he turns and it's not revulsion that meets him.

"You're..." she blinks. "Y - You came in a spaceship?"

He nods."Yes."

"Oh," she exhales. "So you came from…outer space?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"To _Smallville_?"

"Yes. Are you okay, Lois?"

She shakes her head out of a daze.

"I knew you and the meteor shower were connected but…." Her eyes narrow. "The spaceship I found near the dam. That acid trip to the, uh , phantom prison."

"Alien. Kryptonian."

"That's how you do everything you do. You're an alien."

"The yellow sun. It gives me my powers."

"Oh."

"I, know it's a lot to take in."

She attempts a smile.

"I guess I should stop calling you Smallville."

They're quiet. Her mind goes from a blur of too many thoughts to just one. Lois clears her throat, unsure if she can broach the subject tactfully, but she tries. She normally doesn't. She normally wouldn't care.

"Clark?"

"Yeah?"

"I guess we can officially agree no more secrets?"

"No more," he agrees.

"Alright. What was that whole deal with Lana last night?" She frowns. "And this is _so _not the jealous girlfriend talking because I do not get jealous."

"It's…complicated, Lois."

"Try me, Big Boy."

He spares her a look as she folds her arms over her chest.

"Long story short, Lana has a supersuit embedded in her skin that allows her to have powers like mine. For some reason, the suit is destabilizing and it's killing her."

Lois blinks, catches her thoughts up. It doesn't take long.

"You collapsed and couldn't go near her."

"Her suit," he breathes, "is toxic to me. Or, it should be. The doctor should be able to tell us more, but for now, she's alright."

"And that's where you've been? All this time?"

"I didn't – ."

"No, Clark." Her hands show in the air. "It's fine. You were with her."

"It's not like that, Lois."

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. His guilt is written on his face and she knows better than to believe she can compete with an object of perfection. She's spent more than enough hours this past night to prove that she is nothing special. Or he would have come to her sooner. It's disappointing, and it hurts.

It always has. She just never thought he, of all souls, would do it to her.

"Maybe you should go back to her," she says quietly.

His chest stops moving even as he watches her square her shoulders like the soldier she is.

"Lois, I needed to be with her so she wouldn't seize as much."

Walking to him, she tries to place a smile on her lips to assure him. It ends up being a turned corner of her lips and not a touch happy. Her hands fall on the S of his chest. She needs to remember this.

"That's one of the reasons I love you, Clark," she whispers. "Alien or human. Powers or not."

"What are you saying?"

"That's it's okay. I understand. She needs you, and you're not that person who runs away when he's needed. But that being said, I need some space. And maybe you do too."

His hands capture hers and he peers into her eyes. He has no intention of letting go, not now.

"You don't mean that. Please."

"Clark, you left me here."

She is trying to keep the rejection out of her voice, but she can't. It's there and it's carved an ache in her marrow. She says things she would otherwise keep to herself.

"I…hate feeling insecure. You know that."

"You don't - ."

"I needed you here too, Clark. I - I was going crazy and I needed you to tell me I was wrong. That I mattered and that this didn't change anything."

"It doesn't, Lois."

Her head tilts because this is obvious. He's this amazing being. And she isn't. She's just...human.

"Of course it does, Clark."

His throat has become thick and his fingers numb.

"What does it change?"

"I don't know," she replies honestly. "We need to figure it out…apart."


	4. FOUR

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 4/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

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* * *

FOUR

"_I'm selfish? You know, some of us sacrifice being with the people that we really  
care about so that we can go make a difference. What do you do? You sit around  
in domestic bliss curled up on a couch while a world of trouble spins outside  
your door."_

-Oliver Queen, circa Siren

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He's reminded of the things he has lost to destiny. Every beep on the monitor seems to sing of his failures and her silence is more than a little reproachful. Because he loved her first, and it was supposed to mean everything. It was supposed to be forever, the fairytale.

They were going to get married and have children and sit on the porch as the sun went down on both their lives. She would've smiled up at him and he would've thanked the stars above that she had loved him.

Paradise - It had been his dream, before all this time changed him.

She moves in the sheets, a breath whispering though her lips.

"I'm sorry, Lana," he whispers back.

Because they're both older and just not _them_ anymore. Even if sometimes, he still thinks about it. Not too often and not too much, but every once in a rare moment he feels her name and wonders what his life would be like if there had been no videotape or suit. It's just not the way things fit in his life anymore.

But if they could _work_, would it change him back like time has made him stronger and force him to leave some things at the wayside?

Like Lois?

His eyes shut.

"I'm so sorry."

Maybe she isn't. _Fate_, her body trembles, a warning.

.

.

They find themselves in this space. Current and former lover of Lois Lane. They hear themselves selling small talk before the heavy hand falls and Oliver's question lands on the floor in the middle of Watchtower. Clark opens his mouth, and the words that are sitting on his tongue choke. It should be obvious. Why isn't it?

"I know who I love, Oliver. I know who I want to be with."

Oliver will never understand how Clark can be so naïve. No matter what happens to him, it remains a constant.

"I hope so, Clark. But you're an idiot if you think that's enough."

.

.

Clark used to need her. She used to make him feel alive and lift his heart. He watches her sleep, like he used to imagine he would do for eternity.

"Lana, a lot's happened since you left."

He drops his eyes to the floor before resting them on her face again. She looks so tired and because of their past it's instinctual to brush her hair away from her face and let his fingers linger on her cheek.

"You know, sometimes I think about that last day. And I didn't..."

He sighs into his hand. It seems like years when they last stood in his barn and he was pleading with her to stay.

"I loved you, for so long. It seems like a lifetime ago since...and now you're here."

Some things need to be said, he knows, but he can't say them. Not to Lana.

"I'm going to make sure you get better. I promise."

.

.

Chloe presses a cheek against Lois's hair and pats her back softly. Lois has practically entwined herself around her diminuitive form, and Chloe is sure the picture is comical, except for the occasional shedding of tears.

Clark had given her the green light to answer any and all of Lois's questions. Her mouth hurts.

Lois sighs.

"What do I do, Chloe?"

"What do you want to do?"

Lois smiles briefly and pulls back to look at her cousin.

"I want to tell him I love him. I want to be with him."

Chloe gives her a knowing look.

"But you don't know where you fit in his life now."

"No." Lois shakes her head. "He's The Blur, Chloe. His world is so much bigger than mine."

She won't disagree, but a fact she's been clinging to starts to waver. Chloe stares at her heartbroken cousin and where before she had been sure Lois's involvement in Clark's secret life would be catastrophic, she now finds herself slowly backpedaling.

"You're right."

Lois's face falls and Chloe takes her hand. A moment of _Jimmy _settles on her.

"But Lois, just because he has this huge responsibility doesn't mean he wouldn't make room for you."

.

.

Chloe slips on her earpiece the second she gets inside her car, Clark's number on her lips. The sun is falling and, inside, so is a piece of her heart. When she was younger, she believed in these things – happy endings.

_Younger_. Her lip curls as she pulls out into the street. Just one year divides her from her former self, one year and one death. Maybe it's why she's been so against Clark and Lois. She looks at them and what she sees is so...vulnerable. It can so easily unravel.

Don't get her wrong. She wants them to be happy. She loves them. But Clark's world, as she's found out, has its price - loneliness. She used to think it was worth it, and some days, she still does. Other days she lets Oliver wrap her up in dreams and maybe, she thinks, they _can_ have it all.

But they can't. Not really. Jimmy is still dead. Clark will always belong to the world; he will always have a greater destiny than them all. As much as she loves Lois, a part of her can't help but think she doesn't belong here with them.

He answers her call.

"Chloe?"

"We've got a problem, Clark."

"What is it? Lois? Is she okay?"

"Stand down. She's fine, but in our _Jeopardy_ go round she wanted to know why you were sending her on secret missions."

"What?"

"It seems The Blur's been calling her for favors."

"But I haven't called her since - ."

"The Wonder Twins whirled through? I know. I'm headed to Watchtower now with Lois' phone to track down whoever's calling her."

"I'll be waiting."

.

.

Maybe it's better this way, she thinks.

Lois finds herself, for once, still. The pint of ice cream is gone along with her phone, maybe even her respectability. Because she'd promised to protect The Blur. Then she'd blurted out in front of cameras and crew about him. Then she'd followed the words of some imposter without thinking twice.

Yes, maybe it should be like this. He with Lana, a woman who can understand his life more than she can. And she, separating herself from him so that neither of them have to fear her making another mistake. She is only human, after all. And a Lane at that.

But she loves him, even more now that she knows. Clark. _Her_ Clark is The Blur. She hasn't known many people who want to save the world, and even before she knew he was an honest to God hero, Clark already was.

She can only imagine what he sees when he looks at her. Her lack of judgement, the lack of loyalty. She doesn't blame him. What's driven them apart, isn't Lana. Not entirely. Most of it is herself and she can see that now.

Her heart aches. In the solitude of her apartment it suffocates her.

The future she had been dreaming of becomes less fairytale and more horror show. Between the three of them, there's not enough love - not the right kind.


	5. FIVE

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 5/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

.

.

* * *

FIVE

"_I can sense how sad you are, Kal-El. Not a day goes by where you don't  
feel like an outsider. Even those closest to you will never truly understand  
you."_

-"Kara" & Clark Kent, circa Covenant

.

.

.

If she could, Chloe Sullivan would turn back the hands of time and never fall in love with him. That's what she says, at least, and every time it's not the truth. She watches as even from beyond Lana's room, he knows she's there. He can hear her footsteps, maybe even her thoughts.

Usually they aren't so drenched with bitter nostalgia.

He walks out to her, the door carefully shutting behind him and it's like she releases air that has been pent up since a funeral.

"How is she, Clark?"

"Stable, but I have a hard time believing you don't know everything about what's going on inside Watchtower."

They stand in the elevator and she gives him a shrug. Their elbows brush together and she has to lower her eyes. The long ago twitching of her stomach doesn't arrive - she finds herself slightly disappointed, then definitely confused. Her shoulders straighten when he plunges right along, nothing different. Time rarely changes anything.

"Why didn't she tell me about this earlier?"

"Lois had a lot to process, Clark. You can't blame her for being a little overwhelmed."

"I'm not. This is my fault. I asked Lois to keep her calls with The Blur a secret. And she did. Even from me."

"You know, as much as I don't want to admit it, it's pretty impressive how much Lois is committed to protecting The Blur."

"I'll appreciate the irony more when we get whoever this is." A pause. "How is she?"

"She's Lois. I'm surprised she hasn't made a mad dash to the aiport."

His gaze lowers and she seems to think she should place a comforting hand on his shoulder and tell him to stay strong. Chloe can't bring herself to do it. _Jimmy would have_.

"Look, Clark, you need to give her her space. She's honestly doing what she thinks is best for _you_."

Clark stares at her, grasping at her lifeline. The elevator doors open and she bursts from the confined space. They step out into command center and being home is a strange feeling. She holds it around herself, insulating herself from Clark Kent.

"Alright," she sighs. "I'll need at least fifteen seconds of him on the line so I can trace his call an- ."

"Just call him. I'll be able to hear him."

Her fingers keep on tapping even as her head turns.

"Clark, I'm not sure that – ."

"I know what I'm doing, Chloe. Do it."

The map's on her screen and she thinks about all the satellites just waiting for this signal. She hesitates as she holds up Lois' phone, doubting if he _does _know.

She dials.

On the third ring she glances to the computer screen, only to hear the tell-tale sound of him blurring away. She's alone now, and another's distorted voice on the line doesn't make the room any less empty.

"_Lois, I…." _

The man half barks a laugh. She imagines Clark coming out of the shadows.

"_Well, this is a surprise. Hello, Kal-El."_

"_Zod."_

The line goes dead and she sits the phone down gently onto the console, feeling as if she's been cut off from the world. As if he has grown beyond her help, and maybe he has.

There was a time she would never have doubted him. They were seventeen then, maybe, and even before she knew he was superhuman, he already was. Right now, she misses that time. She misses her Wall of Weird and how her shoulders hadn't dipped with sacrifice.

"God, Chloe," she mutters softly. "Lana resurfaces and all of a sudden you're having an identity crisis."

She gets back to work. It's easier this way.

.

.

Clark has always been a creature of his emotions. He was raised with them. Now, they want to hold Zod up by his neck and break a few bones for coming so close to Lois. He settles for fisting his hands.

Zod has a smile in the corners of his lips. He's been caught, yes, but he knows how strong, or weak in this case, that this half-breed is compared to him.

"You know, Kal-El. I can almost understand your attachment to the chatty reporter. She's quite…divulging, isn't she?"

In an instant, Clark is standing toe to toe with Zod.

"I told you once to stay away from Lois. You will not contact her ever again!"

"Or what? Will you kill me, Kal-El?"

They stare, and Clark thinks for one fleeting moment, that there's a chance he will. He's not a saint. Sometimes, he thinks about being a killer.

Zod smiles. "I didn't think so."

Clark watches Zod casually take a few steps away. He grinds his teeth.

"What did you want from her, Zod?"

Zod halts, turns his head slowly, and there's a glimmer of interest behind his eyes. He smells a sense of desperation from the would-be hero.

"Why should I tell you? You've made it very clear that you would rather keep me in your shadow than at your side."

"And you've made it clear I can't trust you. What did you want from Lois?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying. Tell me."

"I will tell you nothing. You made your bed, Kal-El, from the moment you destroyed my Towers and any hope I had of helping my people!"

"I'm trying to help our people! You're the one keeping them from leading a new life."

"We will not stand shoulder to shoulder with the humans. It is our destiny to rule over them."

"Is that what you're doing? Trying to get to me through Lois? I won't join you, Zod."

Zod peers carefully at Clark, his tongue sucking into his cheek.

"I no longer need you for this, Kal-El. Or your Earth woman. Rao is on my side."

"Rao favors no one."

"He will me."

There's something in his tone, in the way he holds himself with such assurance that Clark finds unsettling. He doesn't like what he's seeing, and he means to stop whatever plan Zod has in store to reclaim his powers and reign as king.

"I'll be watching you, Zod."

"And I, you, Kal-El."

.

.

Chloe doesn't hear Clark. Either he's gotten quieter or she isn't as attuned to him as she used to be. He watches her diligently scroll through screen after screen, her lips moving in silence, and when his father comes on the screen, he starts.

"What are you doing, Chloe?"

"Clark!"

She clears the screen quickly, her throat tightening as she turns to him. Lies used to be harder. They used to be **wrong**.

"I was, uh, just trying to follow Zod's tracks. He managed to get _this_ close to Lois. I don't intend on letting him do it again."

"And my father?"

Her answer doesn't come. She looks at him like she hopes he lets this go. She wants him to trust her.

"Chloe?" He sighs, confused. "What's going on?"

"Clark, I…wasn't completely forthcoming with you about Lois's escapades."

His brows raise.

"The last thing _The Blur _asked Lois for help finding was The Book of Rao."

His head tilts, eyes darting to the screens behind her and back to her face. His steps are heavy as they move toward hers.

"When were you going to tell me this?"

"As soon as your personal life evened out, Clark."

"_This _is important, Chloe. More important than what's going on with me! This is Zod we're talking about!"

"And I know from experience that when it comes to your emotions, you tend to let them get the better of you even when you have a responsibility to the world."

"It's not up to you to decide what I should know, Chloe. Where's the Book?"

"I sent Oliver over to the farm to retrieve it. He's on his way back now."

Clark's eyes widen as he remembers Zod's words.

"Chloe, Zod said he didn't need me or Lois anymore _and _that Rao was on his side."

"Well, that's a loaded statement. But he obviously never got The Book. What do you think he means?"

"I don't know. If I'd known before now I could've gotten the answer from him."

Chloe becomes silent, deciding not to tell him she saw this footage months ago and had never once thought to mention it to him.

Clark stares at her, and she doesn't stand down from her position. He can't help himself from thinking that Chloe Sullivan has turned into someone he no longer recognizes.

Time, it does that.

"Next time, you tell me everything, Chloe. I won't be left in the dark again. Chloe?"

She blinks and he turns around at her expression. It's Lana on a monitor. She's awake.


	6. SIX

Title: This is before time wore you down to history

Chapter: 6/?

Main Characters: Clark, Lois, Clark/Lois, Lana

Disclaimer: I neither own nor profit from _Smallville _or _DC Comics_

Spoilers: Goes AU after "Escape" - Season 9 & 10 spoilers as well

A/N: Clark is ready to tell Lois his secret, until the unimaginable happens that brings their relationship to a stand still.

.

.

* * *

SIX

"_This might sound silly, but I have this fear that, that one day you'll finally get a  
good look at me and…I'm going to disappoint you. That you'll see that I'm not  
as strong or as good as you think I am. And I'm afraid that it'll change the way  
you feel about me._

_Nothing could ever do that."_

-Lana Lang & Clark Kent, circa Accelerate

.

.

.

After Chloe and Emil, they're left alone. Clark Kent and Lana Lang. He's still thinking about Zod and Jor-El, Chloe and Oliver, and Lois. There's Lois.

"Sit down, Clark. I'm not going to kill you at the moment, I don't think."

She offers him a tepid smile, and he sits, quieting the need to tap his toes. He's thinking too much. He's losing himself just a little bit at a time, and he can't afford to.

"I guess I should apologize for your porch."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're awake. We've all been worried about you."

"Me too."

She sighs, her hands rubbing her face. When she drops them and looks at him, she thinks it's been a long time since she felt his skin on hers. Lana finds his eyes and can barely stop herself from telling him she loves him.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, Clark. More than usual, at least."

His smile is tight, too fast.

"I'm fine. Right now, I'm worried about you though."

"So, you think Emil can cure me?"

"We're going to find out. I have a lot of faith in him."

She believes him, his word. She feels like an idiot. She's felt like that a lot the past year over lonely dinners and empty mornings.

"I've missed you, Clark." Her throat catches. "So much."

He offers her a soft look and she reaches for his hand and he doesn't think about not holding it. She needs him. From the very beginning she's needed him more than anyone else. They slip into this scene so easily and for a flickering moment, they almost _are _lovers.

"It's killing me, isn't it? The suit? I can feel it, Clark. Like it's trying to peel itself off."

"You're going to be fine, Lana. I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise."

Promise. He promises and even when he says it, he knows he'll never stop until she's healed. She wouldn't listen to him before, but now it's killing her and he will not watch her die.

"Clark..."

Her eyes tear up and she grips his fingers harder. They don't have to be careful. They aren't made to broken or bruised, not yet at least.

"I'm here, Lana. I'll always be here for you."

She nods, gains a little of her composure before she drags her hand from his and grits her teeth. She can feel her skin begin to burn.

"Get out, Clark! Hurry!"

He hesitates for a moment. There's just too _much _between them.

.

.

Lois only means to buy a horror movie with plenty of blood and loads of screaming, intent on forgetting her romantic woes. She detours to The Planet to pick up an article needing to be revised. She makes another detour to the roof, for no other reason than because the sun is gone and memories lure her there.

She leans over the edge and peers down to the street below. She remembers the feel of her fingers on the metal pole as her feet dangled. And Clark. She vividly remembers Clark's face and his hand, and her unshakeable belief in him as her fingers began to slip.

Clark waits in the shadows. He's come here for the same reason she has, and he's been wondering why he left her out for so long. He watches her lean over the edge and his heart races. She's so fragile, so human. He thinks of his helplessness as he tried to save her over the ledge. He remembers the fall of his heart as she sacrificed herself, and then again when he had to prove she was wrong about everything.

"I should have told you a long time ago."

She whirls and stares into the dark shadow until he steps forward in his black coat and S covered chest. How did she never put it together before? It was always so obvious. She frowns at herself.

"I didn't follow you here," he rushes out. "I guess, uh, we both have a lot of memories here."

"Yeah," she finally agrees. "I guess we do."

He swallows and glances to the ground before locking onto her gaze again. He makes no move toward her, keeps his arms at his sides and hopes she accepts what he means to give her.

"Lois, I love you."

Her face goes slack and he presses on, because he has something to say and he refuses to repeat his past mistakes.

"You don't know how bad I wish I could go back and tell you my secret. But I can't, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything bad that has happened to you because of me, and I'm sorry I didn't come to you sooner last night. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was avoiding you. I wasn't, not intentionally, but when I thought about having to face you..."

He sighs softly, frustrated that he can't find the right words to tell the truth, frustrated that he's brought this upon himself.

Lois feels herself beginning to cave. His fumbling for words means something, like this rooftop they've found themselves on. She doesn't mean to change her mind, she won't, but she tells herself a little moment won't hurt. Much.

"Clark?"

She stops herself. This is a mistake. This is leading to her broken heart, she knows.

"Can we pretend, just for a little while, that Lana didn't crash land on your porch and you ignored me? Just pretend I told you you fell from the sky and you said I was right?"

His reaction is immediate. Anything to make her happy.

"Of course."

The next thing he knows she's running toward him and landing in his arms, legs wrapping around his waist. He's stopped cars. He doesn't stop her.

Clark stumbles backwards in the human way of surprise, but he's smiling as he hits the ground. Clark pushes a lock of hair behind her ear and drinks in the sight of her leaning over him with a grin on her face. She kisses him and he thinks his world is finally falling into place.

.

.

He strokes her shoulder and she adjusts her head on his arm. He turns his head to watch her look up into space. He sees an awe in her gaze and it feels him with happiness.

"You're staring again, Clark."  
He blushes and averts his eyes for only a second before staring back at her again. Lois turns her head as she frowns softly.

"How is it that I find out my favorite superhero and partner are one in the same, and yet _you_ are the one more starstruck than me?"

Shrugging a shoulder he smiles when she rolls her eyes and her body toward him. An arm goes over his chest and he feels like she has wrapped a cage around them both. Clark brings a hand to her face and she leans into his touch.

"You're really alright with this? With what I am?"

"I just spent the last two hours grilling you with every possible question under the sun, Clark. I'm...fascinated."

"Fascinated? That's it?"

"What else are you looking for? Surprised? Intrigued?" She smiles. "Amazed?"

Her teasing tone fails to elicit a smile or lighten his suddenly heavy turn. He doesn't want this moment to end. It's everything he's hoped for but never believed would happen, and there's one word she hasn't mentioned. Clark watches her smile falter in his silence before rolling their bodies so he's the one hovering over her.

"Clark?"

"Even if you can't...love me anymore, I understand."

Lois finds herself surprised, and as the seconds tick by she realizes how deep his fear of rejection runs. He accepts it without a second thought, and she thinks about all the past experiences he must have had to make him so hopeless.

"How can a guy with superhearing be so deaf?"

She brings a finger to his lips.

"I love you, Clark. You're my...my hero. If anything, you shouldn't love me. I mean, come on, I fell for some Blur impersonator without even thinking twice."

"Lois, you didn't know it wasn't me."

"But I should've known. I thought I had this surreal, deep connection with you and I let the first guy with a voice modulator fool me."

"If I'd have been honest with you, you never would have been in that position. It's my fault."

She searches his face and lets out a breath.

"This is a never ending battle. When it comes to arguments, let's just agree that I win. Always."

Clark smiles and shakes his head.

"You're a handful, Lois Lane."

"Look who's talking."

He leans down, taking in her breath and watching her eyelids lower. Her lips part slightly in anticipation. Then his phone rings. Both their bodies tense and he sighs an apology against her cheek.

"It's alright, Clark. Duty calls."

Rolling onto his back he flips the phone open with one hand and grabs Lois's hand in the other.

"Chloe, what's going on?"

"Whoa. Nice evening to you too, Groucho."

"Sorry. What do you need?"

"Emil's come up with an interesting theory about Lana's power suit. He wants you here to help test it out."

His thumb quits roving across hers abruptly.

"Right now?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?"

"Um, no. No, I'll be right there."

He shuts his phone and turns his head. She withdraws her hand from his and offers a tight smile.

"I guess our 'little while' is up."

"Lois, I'll be back as soon as I can and we can - ."

"Clark," she swallows. "Chloe told me about what went on when I was in Star City with Jimmy. About you, and Lana, and how things ended. The fake tape. The meteor rock."

She pauses to take a breath and tell herself she can do this. She can sacrifice.

" You two have never really gotten closure on anything." She frowns softly. "It's sad."

"It's the past. We both made our choices."

Lois bites her lip, but in the end, can't stop herself.

"Like you did last night?"

"Lois, I - I just wanted to help her ."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't."

His face becomes darker, out of guilt or denial, she doesn't know. She traces the sharp point of his jaw line, hoping to soften his clenched teeth.

"Clark, you need some time to figure out your life, and whether it's with Lana or with me, it'll be _your_ choice and no one else's."

"You're the one I love, Lois."

"I just want you to be sure. No doubts."

"I don't have any."

"And there's no part of you that thinks about what you could have had with Lana?"

"No."

"Clark."

"Lois..."

It's easy to read him. She sits up and reaches for his hand. His grip is strong and she rubs her thumb against his skin; it feels like resistance.

"If you care about me, you'll let me go, Clark. Just like I'm doing for you."

* * *

A/N: BTW, anyone else seen _All Star Superman_? Or maybe read the comic and is excited to watch it? Because I LOVED the movie and I totally recommend it when it comes out on DVD(and the actual spectacular comic series).


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